Will you make your mind up 
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Its impossible I have soooo many feelings, is this love? 
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I would think even more critical 
yes - the network needs to run smoothly
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Let me start by saying, that last autumn I surprised myself with the kind of behaviour I was capable of. I mean the way I went ballistic in some discussions, showed paranoid levels of untrust, and the general amount of poison I was spraying around in various occasions. Iām still deeply ashamed of that.
I did apologize at the time, but not enough. And I know that there is no amount of apologizing, that would āset things straightā in a sense that everything would be healed. At least not in a way that I would be seen as the same person I was seen as before going way overboard. Thatās painful, but also right at same time. Thatās how it goes. I have shown (and found out myself) what I am capable of. Itās taken some work to own and digest that, and trying to behave better. And still, I cannot guarantee, that it would not happen again. Iāve found out, that maybe I donāt know myself so well after all.
But @dirvine, please know, that I see what I have done, and try to do better in the future.
Still, I need to point out something:
I think that it is not just a feeling, but reflects factual circumstances.
The division between the team and the community is factually larger than it used to be before last spring and that division stems from the team closing in much more.
Then there was that murky something we didnāt know about, but that somehow loomed above everything, and that I now think was the cancer.
We all have some pressures and I hope understanding for all.
But looking back the last year, the situation where the team and all individuals in it were, when you became ill, is quite unimaginable. Thereās of course the organizational challenges, when you as the key player are not there, and then all the worry and fear the people who knew you and the situation must have felt. All at the time, when things were taking new direction etc. Thinking about that, it is truly a wonder to be in a place we are now. And of course the recovery from that also takes time. For you, and everybody around you.
I think that I personally might have behaved differently, if I had known what you, and by proxy the team, were going through. Differently, not necessarily better. And I think it was better for me personally, that I didnāt know - but maybe not better for the role I have been playing in this community. Then again, your health and life is in a certain sense no one elses business, and I hope that the distance you kept served you well. Thatās the most important thing, after all, and the decision to do so is for no one else to judge.
Iāve seen cancer from close distance (not had it myself), and cancer sucks. There is no way to go through it without consequences, deep and wide, also in the folks around the sick one. I mean, we can say that this and that should have been done so and so, but all the vectors the cancer is throwing out in every level is something no one can do anything about it. Everyone goes through it the way they do, thereās no right or wrong there, and only a fool would judge anyone else about how they are doing it.
And still, we should be able to talk and debate about the decisions and solutions done in that difficult time, relating to this wonderful network we are brewing here. I just wish that, now that we know, we could all see that there has been an uninvited guest in the process, making everything so much harder.
So, from my part, I wish the past is past. It never completely is, but as much as possible.
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Sounds from what you said last night, not enough quotes has been nailed? Will be great to see the back of that one.
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Much respect for this heartfelt message. Self reflection is a skill many wonāt or canāt engage in, but it is crucial for healing, resolution and self developmentā¦ And is a brave step. 
āKnowing others is intelligence;
knowing yourself is true wisdom.
Mastering others is strength;
mastering yourself is true power.ā
ā Lao Tzu, [Tao Te Ching]
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Yes, @Toivo , it takes a man of strength to have written that, so hats off too you.
I think the only constant in the universe is change, some planned, some forced on us. I had the latter, but pushed that onto the team and especially Bux, who came into a situation where I was very much on the forum a lot saying what I thought and what I could (legally etc.) as much as I could. She has done something I Could not have and we owe the network launch to her, pretty much 100%, but many donāt see that. It needed to happen in a very forced and rigorous way, otherwise we faced many more years of slow pace. That change was seen as dramatic, but more so I think due to me vanishing. So she got all of the blame and little of the recognition, that is life though.
The team also had a shock, of course, as we would expect, but that shock has paid off. Some may have found it too much and others relish the new approach of define a target, heads down and meet the target. Much more accountability and defined goals to see, but also more rewards in bonuses and defined goals and targets. Itās a mix, but the change management had to happen.
Now we are in launch mode, itās all running fast, thereās loads to do and there are going to be bumps and some of them big and serious bumps. I am really keen we get back to a cohesive relationship with all the community that we can, which is not easy. We are in launch, there is money around, folk will scam the hell out of others and much worse. Trust and integrity are going to be absolutely essential and never taken for granted.
So your message is brilliantly timed, but also a nice signpost for everyone to pull together, many of us have 10 years or more of commonality. Money will change much of that, but I feel there is a solid group that will push right through all that and keep doing the right thing and more value will follow.
so the journey is just about to actually become difficult, trust will erode and relationships will be tested. Small things will be huge and soon every word will be investigated and interrogated from all sides. We need to stay very strong and not falter at all here. That is easier said than done, but the ability to ground yourself in time and ask yourself what is really important, not immediately, but overall, is very important to me.
Anyway, nice message @Toivo and very much appreciated, I hope you can see that.
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Thank you for your kind words, they are well heard and warmly received.
I do see her value and I agree that the push she hash given has been for the good. I think you vanishing was the thing. The team was becoming more of itās own island, you were being the bridge, until you werenāt. And the significance of that connection lost became apparent much later, with no one else assigned to the job. By the way itās great to have @rusty.spork doing that bridging now, I think he does very good job. And of course great to see you around again.
Itās possible though. It just needs to be recognized as specific task and assigned some resources. Like I think you have already done, by hiring @rusty.spork and you being around here, too.
Maybe I am talking about āPR -workā. I donāt mean that in a way that it is often meant, to try to make a company look better than it is, but just some work to make the relations to the public work.
There is also two separate forms of these. Trust and integrity of the project and trust and integrity for the people doing it.
Last autumn, when ālosing itā, I felt very conflicted about the distrust I expressed.
I first lost the trust to the project, but not the people, which was an internal conflict in itself, and a sort of dissonance that I was desperate to get over. Then I started losing the trust to the persons, too. It was damn weird, because often when the communication from the team to me emerged, I found my distrust unfounded, even stupid, but then something went differently than was told, and it started to creep in again.
I certainly hope so.
We need to actively work against that. There is a force towards that, for sure, but I donāt think thatās an irresistible force, if it is spotted and measures taken to tackle it.
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I would not be shocked to see a massive decrease in nodes and then fluctuations, so we are prepared for that, but this ā¦
There absolutely will be fluctuations, likely large, the only real question IMHO is if they show a dampened behaviour. There is no human way to know the properties of a network like this before hand, it was always destined to launch āout of equilibriumā.
I would chalk it as a milestone victory as in we now know infrastructure can be provided rapidly and on a massive scale. This means deployment at least is on point Using the network at anything like its present capacity will take much longer though. Hopefully as confidence increases and UX is improved, the demand for the token for uploading will continue increasingā¦ I suspect a native token is required to break out of the early adopter box. Super happy to be alongside everyone here as the journey continues.
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Did $50k USDC in liquidity just get added to Uniswap?
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I never know how to look at this, uniswapās UI seems pretty crap or is that just me?
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dexscreener.comās lower āTxnsā list shows:
6m ago (Date) Add (Type) - (USD) 0.0000 (ANT) 49,989 (USDC) - (Price)
Iāve been around this project for almost 10 years.
Why?
Itās premise is a conundrum? I love mysteries.
Like in the early days of the internet, which Iām old enough to remember, no one knows what Autonomi is, in truth, actually capable of. To know that we would need to know what is inside every app devās imagination.
No one knows where it is headed, and what it will become.
All we know is we will own it, and we only have ourselves to blame, or to congratulate.
All I know is that Autonomi was forged from the pure fire of truth.
We are now standing at the moment of truth.
We must all forge forward now, together. We have no other choice, but to go headlong into another great mystery, for humanityās sake. Cheers
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@Toivo if you said nothing else in that post above - this is 100% correct
I cannot agree more - I am just so grateful that I can celebrate both @dirvine and Mrs Southside beating cancer (several times for Mrs S) instead of grieving.
For that alone thank you for your post above.
I may go as far as reading the rest of it now.
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shame about the price though
@JimCollinson @Bux surely it is now time to reduce/eliminate random rewards to nodes and instead prioritise rewards to those who are adding value by uploads instead of utterly meaningless boasting about millions of untested and likely fragile nodes?
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I donāt see the problem. Surely all this new supply is a good thing. Itās going to increase volume in the markets which will eventually increase the price.
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As per the disagreements going on I would recommend the following " other peopleās opinions are no business of my own" If Iām getting offended thatās my problem.
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I agree with @Southside. Emissions to producers (node runners) inflate the value. Emissions to consumers would bring more users and demand ā higher value. And those coins would end up to node runners as well.
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Supply ā Volume(liquidity)
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