Just to group the issues into one thread @whiteoutmashups, from another thread:
That could be this issue from dev update thread. I see you liked this post, so guessing that didnt resolve this issue? did you try that solution or can you confirm Visual C++ redis 2015 is installed please?
The issue @joshuef reported is similar to the one reported by @Joseph_Meagher where it was an issue of reconnecting, wasn’t about connecting the first time, but that issue should also now be resolved
As for local network, I think @tfa already covered that point too in this thread. Not sure there are any issues with that one either.
Not sure of anyone having issues with TEST-18, but you having issues in the public network, mock and a local network seems really strange if it isnt just the C++ redistributable missing.
If you’ve tried all this and are still not able to bootstrap to TEST-18, just ping back here and we can maybe jump on a HO or something and have this resolved for sure. I’m sure you dont have to pay anyone to test a test network 
that’d kind of defeat the purpose of having a “test network” lol